Keep smiling
by AnAbnormalOccurance
Summary: Alice Heartfilia is not a normal exocist. She holds more pain in her past than most can fathom, and the few happy moments in her life are covered in secrets learned from a very important mage. When she arrives at the black order with Margo, her little sister, she causes the black orders past, as well as her own, to be revealed. Later AllenxOC
1. Chapter 1

A soft, white light fell through the windows as I looked outside, my eyes focusing on the passing scenery.

Gray clouds lined the horizon, as a soft, melodious rhythm tapped onto the glass.

The sound of the chugging of the train blended in with the tap of the pouring rain.

_Where am I going._

I already know.

I am going to the black order.

_Lucy_

_You always liked the rain._

It reminded me of music.

My eyebrows furrowed, trying to remember a melody learned long ago. A lovely silence filled the compartment as I concentrated on the imaginary music. She had given me my first cello, and it had been beautiful. On rainy days like this, she would get out her own cello and play. I still remember those days. The sweet smell of pie and cinnamon would tickle my nostrils, and the deep sound of her playing would fill the house. The rain would create a soft beat as she played, and the music would lull me into a warm and safe feeling.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

It reminded me of music.

Teidol had asked me. He had asked me if I would go. I told him I would, if I didn't central would complain. I had already traveled with him for three years. Three was long enough.

_I had to go to the black order._

I honestly didn't want to, and Teidol didn't want it either. Both of us knew I would be used. A new general is always nice. It isn't nice when you are the one risking your life. But I was used to it.

_I had died to many times to care anymore._

She would have scolded me if she had heard me say that. Lucy would have too. But I don't mind, it is true. They aren't even here anymore. I wish I could join them.

But I can't.

_I have to go to the black order._

I've been hiding long enough. I have to face central now and take my rightful place as an exorcist. Central will force me to become general once they see my sync rate.

_Lucy would be mad._

The hardest part was taking Margo. I had promised to always take care of her, of course she would follow me to the order.

_But it is dangerous._

She hadn't batted an eye.

Sighing, I stared at the sky until finally, we arrived at our destination.

The train came to a shaky halt, and I struggled to get up off my seat. Angel, my golem, flew down from her perch.

I picked up Margo, careful not to wake her, and hopped off the train, proceeding into the town. I looked around at the various shops, and checked the map, noting that the black order was on a cliff, somewhere in the forest behind the city. I refolded the map, adjusted Margo's position in my arms, and walked around the busy stalls until the city ended at the edge of the forest. I kept walking, and when no one could see me, I activated my wings.

Ever since the 'incident' where I was blessed, my wings would be activated rather than stay on my back, and they would be made out of ice or water. I quickly flew to the black order, careful as to not show up on their cameras until my wings were put away. I walked towards the entrance, and waited.

-No ones POV-

Komui looked at the screen. A girl with long, black hair that was tied into a ponytail stood in front of the door. She had a blue ribbon around her hair, her face framed by two pieces of hair that came down to her breasts as well as side swept bangs. She wore a black skirt, a white dress shirt with no sleeves and back, a blue tie, black, thigh-length socks, white, fingerless gloves that reached her biceps, and black combat boots. Two chains laid around her neck one gold and one silver, the gold one holding keys of many different colors, the silver one holding a silver locket. One of her eyes was blue, and the other was gray, a white pentagram taking the place of her pupil. A white line went down that eye, zigzagging at the end into a white circle on her cheek. On the side of her face, not connected to her scar, was a blue tattoo of roses that framed her face. She was carrying a small girl in her arms, around the age of 9, who had brown, short hair and was dressed in a pink sweater and blue pants along with pink boots. She had a pink hat on with bunny ears, and appeared to be sleeping.

Curiosity filled the habitants of the small room, a room filled with many different screens.

Whispers and questions fled across the room, the people excited since no one had come in the front entrance since Allen had arrived. Their small chatter was quickly hushed by the loud booming voice of the man in the white beret.

"State your name and reason for being here" he quickly said into the microphone.

The girl looked straight into the camera before answering, her melodious low voice commanding and firm, but also gentle.

"I am Alice Heartfilia. Age 15 and I am here on recommendation from General Teidoll. There should be a recommendation letter that arrived 3 weeks ago. I assume that I will now be scanned?" the girl said.

The man in the white beret quickly pushed a few scientists into the mess that was his office, ordering for them to search the mountains of papers that he kept.

Alice turned to the gatekeeper, waiting to be scanned. She had been briefed by Teidol on the procedures, and was well aware of the scanning. What caught her by surprise through, was the loud bellowing of the stone face after her scan.

"Akuma! She's and Akuma!" The gatekeeper squealed. Alice flinched at being called an akuma, old memories burned into her mind, but then quickly shrugged it off and sighed turning around. Right as she did, a man with black, long hair jumped at her with a katana. Realizing that Margo was in danger, she quickly activated her innocence and chanted the familiar phrase, Ice Make: SHEILD. Of course, no one heard her chant the spell since she did it in her head, and because of that fact, people were in awe to see her skills.

The black haired swordsman quickly jumped back, his eyes gleaming menacingly.

"What the hell kind of akuma are you?"

Alice looked at the man with annoyance.

"I'm not an akuma, I just have a blessing that resembles a pentagram. I am an exorcist" she explained.

The black haired man tsked before brandishing his sword once more.

"I won't fall for your tricks, petty akuma!"

"Stop Kanda! She is an exorcist"

He stopped, his sword inches away from her face.

"KOMUI!" Kanda yelled at the camera.

"Sorry about that, hehe. I found the letter, so no need to worry, she's clean". The gates opened, and Kanda Tch'ed before he grumpily walked through. A girl with green ponytails hopped up to Alice, quickly introducing herself as Lenalee Lee, and promptly led Alice to her room. She tucked Margo into the bed and left her room to see a man with purple hair and a white beret.

"I'm Komui Lee, and welcome to the Black Order".


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Allen Walker**

_No, no, no, no, no ,NO!_

_Where am I?_

_Why is the house on fire?_

_Fire? House?... LUCY!_

_I ran towards the house, smoke blinding me as I neared the small home. All the other houses were destroyed as well. Erza, Gray, Juvia, Levy…_

_I saw their bodies piled up. A flash of pink caught my eye. PAPA!_

_I ran forward, only to see that his body too, was caught in the rubble._

_"Alice…"_

_I turned to see a horrifying scene. Lucy… no, akuma. Who would do this? Who would do this to Lucy? A man in a top hat laughed manically, a silhouette over a blood red moon. _

_"Kill her!" he laughed._

_"Alice, RUN!" the akuma screamed as she lunged at me. Oil started to spill down the machines horrid face. She was crying, I had realized. I started to cry too, tears spilling over my cheeks._

_"Lucy, no, Lucy please…This can't be real" I started, falling to my knees._

_"My blessed child, please don't cry… I always loved your smile" the akuma said as she started to slowly move towards me, "I curse you Alice. I curse you so that no matter what, you will smile. You will see the sadness in others souls, and only after their smiles are pure will you be able free of their sadness"._

_"No, Lucy, please, I promise, I will smile, just come back to me", I said through ragged breaths, "We can stay together, and Papa will eat fire out of the fireplace, and levy will teach me to read. And I'll train with Juvia and Gray, just, just …stay"_

_Lucy began to unsheathe her weapon. I could tell she was struggling to stop herself, to defy the Earl._

_"I'm sorry, but that's not possible. I'm sorry Alice, please destroy me"_

_The akuma jumped at me, trying to fight me. My innocence activated, and I impaled her with ice._

_"NO, LUCY" I screamed as I lunged towards her, trying to deactivate my innocence._

_"Thank you, my angel" She whispered as her hand slowly cupped my cheek. Using her last breath, she whispered, "Don't cry my dear, I love you". With that, her hand dropped, and her remains disintegrated. I fell to the ground, screaming, cursing the Earl with all my might._

_The Earl grinned at the heartbreaking scene._

_"My my, a cute little girl shouldn't be screaming such obscene things. It hurts me, it really does"_

_"FUCK YOU" I yelled. Lucy would have scolded me, but Lucy… Lucy…_

_"Tyki-pon" the Earl said._

_"Yes?" a man in a black suit walked towards me._

_"Kill the girl" the Earl grinned, and with a whisk of his umbrella, disappeared._

_"My, my, what do we have here?" Tyki smiled"_

_"Your parents were terrible, I mean, they killed five of our members" he stated "but of course, we drugged them, so only your father and mother were able to fight us. We told your father that if he didn't call Lucy, then we would kill all your dear, dear friends. He, of course, accepted. Oh, but we killed them anyways."_

_Laughing, he looked down at me._

_"Oh, and we'll kill you too"_

_I looked up, tears no longer framing my childish face. Anger boiled in my veins. I need power. I need to avenge my family. That was all I ever wanted, family, and they took it away from me. They took away Lucy's smile. She cried. I loved her smile, as she loved mine. I loved her. I will defeat him. I will not die. I will fulfill Lucy's wish. I will strip the world of akuma and their sadness. I will free their souls so that people and even akuma may smile, a beautiful, heartfelt, smile. Hear my resolve, dear innocence. I will not die, I will live to smile in Lucy's place._

_"Point break" I whispered._

_LUCY!_

I woke up screaming Lucy's name. Sweat dripped down my face, my clothes clinging to my petite form. I wiped the tears from my face and calmed my trembling. Margo sat up and laid her head in my lap.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I nodded and flashed her one of my vibrant smiles. She smiled back, and I got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I need to take a shower, okay? Go back to sleep Margo" I said as I tucked her in and kissed her head. She nodded, and drifted off to sleep. Stepping into the bathroom, I stripped and looked in the mirror. I winced as I saw my innocence. It was hideous. Blue lines ran all over my body, looking like a tattoo. My lower arm was completely blue, stopping at the start of my biceps and end of my wrist. The blue lines still ran over my hand and bicep, though, not stopping until they came to my collar. My calves were also completely blue, separating into lines at my thighs and ankle. It looked like I was covered in swirling tattoos. I hated it.

Sighing, I walked into the shower and began to think. I knew what had triggered the vivid memory/dream. Yesterday, after I left Margo in our room, Komui took me to get my innocence looked at by Hevlaska. Even though I already knew I was past point break, I didn't tell him, since I was sure he would be surprised. Hevlaska read that my innocence was at 200%, which caused Komui to faint. After heaving him back to the science department, I had retired to my room.

I usually didn't have nightmares anymore, but they still came up.

Sometimes, I didn't want to smile anymore. I know, it's a terrible thought. But a lot of the time there just weren't things to smile for. After I got these thoughts though, I usually realized that I could never do that. Not smile I mean. If I can do anything to relieve people of their anxieties and sadness, I will do it. Even If it means smiling.

I promptly finished my shower and dressed in my exorcist's uniform. It was sort of like what I usually wore. The shirt was a Black, collared shirt with white lines running down it. Like I requested, the back was cut out. The shirt flared out at the bottom into a sort of trench coat, but was open at the front. (The shirt basically looks like Erza's outfit at the grand magic games, but with the back cut out) The skirt was black, and the thigh-high socks were also black but with white lining. The boots looked like regular combat boots, but they also had silver lining. I proceeded to put on the black gloves that reached my bicep to hide most of my innocence. Lastly, I tied my hair into a high ponytail, only leaving out my side bangs and two strips of hair to frame my face, using a blue ribbon. I already had my keys and locket on my neck since I never took them off, they never got dirty anyways.

I stepped out of the bathroom to look at the blank white room. I quickly summoned Virgo and told her to bring the things that I saved from Lucy's house and redecorate. When she was finished, the room was painted an Icy blue like my eye and was decorated with small, white snowflakes. The furniture was all white except for my old desk, a present from Lucy when I moved in. After the 'incident' I fixed it up and gave it to Virgo for safekeeping. It was painted a soft warm brown, just like Lucy's eyes. It didn't stand out in the room like I expected it to, it rather complimented the light blue and white hues. In the corner stood my black piano, my wooden cello, and my silver saxophone, all gifts from Lucy. She was rather rich, so she decided to use her money to teach me many artsy things. I sniffed at the memories of her and looked at the bed. All of Margo's stuffed animals were placed next to her, and my spirit clothes were placed on the soft white sofa next to the balcony. The sun was beginning to rise so I decided to spend my time training in the forest behind the order.

I jumped out my window, landing five stories below on the soft, green grass. I walked into the forest, searching for a nice place to train. About an hour later I came upon a nice, small clearing, and sat down to meditate. I began to concentrate my magic until I was able to float purely on magic. I stayed in that position for about two hours, and then rested. After my short rest, I trained in combat and acrobatics, testing my speed and agility. Natsu had taught me how to dodge and be quick, since he was rather nimble. I began to incorporate my innocence into the attacks, using water to burst my speed or ice to harden my knuckles. After an hour of training, I decided that it was time to get breakfast.

I found my way out of the forest, taking note of the location where I was training, and walked towards the dining hall.

Lenalee ran up to me, talking in an animated fashion about how I was going to love it here. It was rather nice to be able to talk to someone other than Teidol, even if he was friendly.

She stopped and motioned for one of her friends to come greet us. I looked towards where she was motioning and stared. Allen Walker. I had heard of him from Cross. About how Mana had cursed him like Lucy did to me. I had liked Mana, and I was rather excited to meet his son. He came closer and stuck out his hand.

I sharply sucked in my breath as he mumbled something and flashed me a smile.

"Hi, I'm Allen Walker"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Who is that girl?**_  
_

_"Hey, Cross?"_

_"Yes Alice?" He replied, glancing momentarily at me. We were sitting in the sun room, enjoying the sunset as well as some jasmine tea the Lucy had previously prepared. She was off buying groceries with Natsu, so only Cross and I remained in the house._

_Breaking the silence, I proceeded to ask him a question that had nagged me for the past couple months._

_"Why doesn't Mana visit anymore?" At this, cross looked away, a look of clear discomfort etched on his face. He sighed and continued to stare at the sunset. I looked away and resumed drinking my tea. After a long silence, he began to explain why Mana no longer visited._

_"You know, ever since the Neah incident, Mana hasn't been exactly there." He looked at me, asking if I understood what he was talking about. I sighed and nodded, remembering the earlier conversation between Lucy and Cross. I had overheard them speaking about Mana and his apparent depression. He was seemingly losing his grip on reality and memory, something that did not make me happy at all. Mana was a lovely man who had visited quite a few times. He was a friend of Lucy's, and would often bring me presents or tell me stories. He and Neah actually taught me piano, as well as many compositions that they had made together as children. After Neah betrayed the man though… Things were different._

_"He started traveling again. He usually isn't in a place more than a couple days, since he joined a circus."_

_"A circus?" I asked, surprised. I had never known that Mana was a clown._

_"Yea, before Neah became a Noah, they used to love going to circuses together." Cross sighed, and then donned his usual scowl._

_"Heard he picked up the little runt too. Don't know much about him, other than the fact that the boy is a rude little bitch, acts nothing like his original self. I mean, he's Neah's host! Shouldn't he act more like it? He told me that he didn't originally recognize the boy, but figured it out after Allen, that's his name, memorized the whole song in like, five minutes or something." I laughed at his outburst. After I caught my breath again, I realized something very sad._

_"Doesn't that mean that… sooner or later, his body will be taken over?" I looked at him, pain in my eyes. I didn't want that to happen, even though I had never met the boy. I'm sure it would bring many pain and sadness, and I didn't want that to happen._

_"He's a runt anyways"_

_"Hey! It's not nice to call people that. And I know you don't mean it Cross, I can see it in your eyes. You are disappointed in Neah, aren't you?"_

_He sighed. Sighing was his new best friend lately, as well as mine. I realized that it had become a habit for me. Sighing, I mean. Even though I wasn't an adult, I could still feel their pain and anxiety. I understood their world, even though I was only ten. Lucy told me that my genetically altered genes and harsh training meant that my brain was already quite developed. Unlike other ten year olds, I could comprehend and contribute to adult topics._

_"You are one smart kid, I'll give you that" Cross grunted, "Still, he made me promise to take care of the runt if anything ever happened to him. What. A. Pain. Even made me promise to train him. Was born with innocence I think."_

_"Wait, he was born with innocence? That means… it's parasitic! Just like mine!" I beamed, realizing that I didn't have to feel so alone anymore, "That means I won't be the only one to have an ugly body!"_

_Cross burst out laughing._

_"Even though your mind is developed, you still act like a child. Your innocence isn't ugly, just different. Plus, I think it's quite beautiful." I blushed at the compliment. Still though, I really wanted to meet him. Someone like me._

_"I can't wait to meet him" I mumbled, smiling. I then resumed looking out at the sunset._

*end flashback*

-Alice's POV-

I blushed as Allen's eyes met mine. I had heard what he said, which only made me more ecstatic to meet him. He introduced himself to me, but I didn't notice. The only thing I was focused on right now was his scar. I was bright red, and had an upside down pentagram at the top.

_Just like me_, I realized. After the incident, I had sobbed for days in the rubble. It wasn't until the third day of my relentless crying that I realized I had nowhere to go, no food, and no one. I was depressed until I remembered a familiar voice, telling me to keep walking.

Mana, I thought. Immediately after, I remembered Cross. I knew I couldn't find Mana, but I remembered that Lucy had been talking to Natsu about him. Something about England. England, I realized, was only 2 days by train. I found Lucy's keys in the rubble and had Virgo pack the remainder of my old life in the spirit world. When I finally found Cross, I only stayed with him half a year. He had to dump me on Teidol after Mana died. I remembered him muttering something about a stupid cursed runt that always got himself in trouble. I had asked what he meant back then, and he told me that Allen, too, had been cursed.

_Just. Like. Me._, I thought bitterly.

Quickly snapping out of my daze, I realized something. First: Everyone in the cafeteria was staring at me. Second: My hand was on Allen's face. Wait, _WHAT?_

Realizing the embarrassing position I was in right now, I quickly jumped back, a stream of apologies coming out of my mouth.

"GOMENASAI" I squeaked.

"I'm sorry, I was just in a daze there. Gomenasai!" with that, I sprinted out of the cafeteria. I could hear the chuckling and whistles coming from the spectators.

I ran into my room and quickly slammed the door, making sure to lock it. _OH GAWD. I was such a KLUTZ!_ I was usually a cheerful but calm person, but sometimes the hyper and weird side of my personality came out. I had just made a fool out of myself in front of everyone. _And I had stroked Allen's FACE!_ What if he thought I was coming on to him! Oh my god, I am not having sex with people I just met (Not like I had ever had sex anyways. Spending time with Cross made me hate the putrid act as well as alcohol.) Slamming my head on the door, I became dizzy and fell to the floor. _What was I doing?_ I'm not Dobby. Plus, I doubt anyone here had sex, this was a place of business. Calming myself, I realized what Cross said was right. I am a child. Chuckling to myself, I turned around to see Margo staring at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Care to explain to me why you ran in here like a crazy person muttering about sex and then slammed your head into the door?" She asked nonchalantly as if it happened every day.

"Don't you dare act older than me!" I huffed, "Anyways, I just made a fool out of myself in front of everyone, and I don't know how to deal with it."

"Gosh sis, I like how you usually act so mature and down to earth, but as soon as you stumble, you begin to freak out like it's the end of the world. Just freaking ignore them and get some food. I'm hungry" She began to get out of bed and dressed herself as I stared at her.

"Since when did you grow so mature?" I asked, slightly incredulous.

"Your stoic attitude is rubbing off on me" she shrugged.

"Hey! I may act mature, but I am a child on the inside!"

"Yeah yeah" she replied as I slammed the door open and proceeded to walk to the cafeteria, once again.

-Allens POV-

I saw Lenalee motioning towards me so I quickly said goodbye to Jerry and jogged up to her. As I neared, I noticed a girl, slightly shorter than her, standing by her side.

_A new exorcist?_ As I walked up to Lena, I was blown away by the beauty that stood beside her. My heart skipped a beat as I stuttered to say hi. I noticed the pentagram on her eye and realized that she too had been cursed; however, unlike my ugly scar, hers was pure white, and added to her character. A tattoo of blue roses framed her face, and her long, silky hair was tied back in a similar fashion to Kanda's. Is this love at first sight?

_Who is this girl?_

"beautiful…" I whispered. Realizing I had said that aloud, I blushed and quickly mumbled an apology and flashed her my smile.

"Hi, I'm Allen Walker"

She didn't respond.

The awkward silence hung in the air as she just stared at me. I watched her in amusement as her expressions changed. She looked like she was reminiscing about the past. He face changed from normal to sad to confused to happy. I hadn't even realized that she had held her hand up to my face until her soft hands began to lightly caress my scar. I was so stunned that I stood in place. No one had ever looked at me so warmly, except for Mana. No one had ever touched my scar like that.

Realizing what she was doing, she snapped out of her daze and squeaked out an apology. She was so cute, I realized as I chuckled to myself. She promptly ran out of the cafeteria, leaving a bunch of bewildered finders and exorcists.

Lena whispered in my ear, "I can see your blush Allennnnn~"

My face turned two shades redder as I ran out of the cafeteria. I decided to go check on her and properly introduce myself. I asked Komui for her room and made my way there. I was about to knock on her door when I heard two people arguing.

"Gosh sis, I like how you usually act so mature and down to earth, but as soon as you stumble, you begin to freak out like it's the end of the world. Just freaking ignore them and get some food. I'm hungry" A childish voice said.

_Wait, she has a sister?_

"Since when did you grow so mature?" Another voice replied. I realized that it was the girl from earlier.

"Your stoic attitude is rubbing off on me" I chuckled as I heard the younger's reply.

"Hey! I may act mature, but I am a child on the inside!" I had to cover my mouth from laughing like a maniac. As I prepared to knock once more, I heard two words.

"Yeah yeah"

The door swung open, flattening me against the wall. As the two girls walked away, not even noticing my presence, I found myself staring at the black haired beauty that I had met earlier.

_Who is that girl?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: A Magician?**

-No ones POV-

Margo walked into the dining room, dragging an embarrassed and blushing Alice along after her. The small girl walked up to Jerry, and ordered her food.

"Hi there little girl, ah, and you must be the new exorcist" he said, motioning with his chin towards Alice.

Finally regaining her stoic demeanor, Alice nodded, and proceeded to list off a bunch of foods.

"Dango, Pasta, Tiramisu, Jasmine tea, Lasagna, Rice, Soba…"

It took her about 10 minutes to just list all the food, and when she glanced back at Jerry, she noticed that there were hearts in his eyes.

"Oh my, I am going to LOVE you" he exclaimed, and hurried away to make her giant order.

After they received their food, the two girls spotted Lenalee waving at them. They proceeded to sit down at the table, and began to converse while they ate.

Margo was squirming happily in their chair as she practically told Lenalee her life story.

"Yea, we went on so many adventures! Like this one time, the old man was like, omgosh there is innocence in this town, and like, Alice was all like, wtf okay, so we all decided that we would go to the circus, right, and idk why but Alice LOVES clowns, its like this weird fetish, and like I totally read this reverse harem…" Alice sighed and rolled her eyes, but inside she was happy that Margo adapted so well to the order.

Lenalee, on the other hand, had an exasperated look on her face. She glanced over at Alice, who mouthed _Just nod along and ignore it_ to her. She nodded slightly, and put on her usual smile and proceeded to eat her food. After Margo tired herself out talking, she went back to their room to sleep, and Lenalee started a conversation with Alice.

"So what was that thing with Allen?"

Alice spit out her tea and blushed furiously.

"That? Oh, oh n-nothing, I j-just, w-well, IhaveneverseenanyoneotherthanmehaveacursesoIjusthadtotouchitandIdidn'treallyrealizethatIwassoIwasreallyembarassed" she said, all in one breath.

Lenalee chuckled at the girl, realizing that despite her normally quiet attitude, the girl was ADORABLE. Just as she was about to say something, Allen walked in.

He sat down next to Alice, and nervously scratched his head. Alice, still embarrassed about her previous actions, scooted closer to Lenalee.

An awkward silence filled the air, which was broken (FINALLY) by Alice.

"U-um, sorry about that earlier. I just heard a lot about you, and your eye is like mine, so I sort of got carried away, hehe." Alice scratched the back of her head, embarrassed.

"A-ah, yeah its okay. Um, I'm Allen Walker, nice to meet you" Alice felt less embarrassed about her previous actions, and flashed a vibrant smile.

"I'm Alice Heartfelia, the new excorcist" she said, confidently. After that, they ate their food, chatting about normal things.

Alice was introduced to Lavi, the bookman's apprentice, and Kanda, who just Tch'ed.

After being introduced to Lavi, he proceeded to bombard her with questions.

"So, what is your innocence?" Lavi asked. Allen shook his head disapprovingly, and smacked Lavi on the head.

"OW, I just wanted to know. I mean, she didn't even say _innocence activate_ and a bunch of ice came out of nowhere!" Lavi exclaimed. Like Lavi, Lenalee was also in the room when Alice arrived, so she too was curious. Kanda, on the other hand, just felt annoyance. How could his innocence have been so easily blocked?

"Well, I incorporate magic with my innocence, so I don't really have to activate it. I can usually just manipulate any form of water without chanting anything, but for specific moves I just chant them in my head" She explained.

The four other exorcists just gaped at her, as if she was some sort of alien. Alice shifted uncomfortably under their gaze until Allen spoke.

"So use use magic like Master?"

"Yes!" Alice said, feeling relieved that she wouldn't have to explain.

"How?" Lenalee asked, slightly disbelieving.

"Oh, well, my mother was a magician, and taught me some stuff. Marian is actually one of my oldest friends, and we used to spar using magic" Alice explained.

"That's so COOL" Lavi said, jumping around. Allen, on the other hand, was dumbfounded at the fact that Cross could actually have friends, and Lenalee was wondering how Alice had met Cross.

The group bombarded Alice with questions for hours, most of which she answered very vaguely. By the end of the day, they had barely learned anything about her, other than the fact that she and Margo weren't actually related, she had a golem named angel, a gift from Cross, who was god knows where, she was born with innocence, she had a magician as a mother, and that she was trained from a very young age. The group was not satisfied with their information, but they decided to call it a night, and walked back to their rooms.

Alice sighed as she finished her shower and walked to the bed. Margo had spent most of the day playing with Aries, and had fallen asleep on one of Aries's fluffy, wool pillows. She tucked Margo in and said goodnight before falling asleep. It had been a fun day, and she knew that she would like the Order.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay so basically this story happens after the Ark and finds out he is a Noah. Levellier hasn't assigned Link to Allen, but he has put Allen on constant watch, meaning he can't leave on a mission unless there is another exorcist with him.

* * *

**Chapter Five: First Mission**

It had been exactly one week since Alice had arrived at the order, and she was bored. She did her training every morning, had breakfast, and then read for most of the day or listened to music.

She had just come back from breakfast , and was sitting next to the piano. She opened the cover to find Angel, her golem, lazily sitting on the keys. Alice laughed as Angel flew up and perched on her shoulder. Brushing her fingers across the white keys lightly, she pondered on what she wanted to play.

She finally decided to play a song that Lucy had made specifically for her. She softly hummed the tune, trying to remember the rhythm of the notes. Due to the fact that she was constantly traveling with Teidol, she had not had the chance to play the piano in a very long time. It had been ages since she even had the luxury to see her beloved piano. She had found herself, so very many times, drumming the notes and rythm of a tune onto a peice of wood. A plain peice of wood. And then she would laugh at herself, but deep inside she would wish, and feel so, so lonely.

Breathing softly, she began to play, her fingers gliding across the keys in a perfect rhythm, the melody beautiful.

She began to sing, her voice perfectly in tune with the piano.

_I know a girl_

_She puts the color inside of my world_

_But, she's just like a maze_

_Where all of the walls all continually change_

_And I've done all I can_

_To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand_

_Now I'm starting to see_

_Maybe It's got nothing to do with me_

_Fathers, be good to your daughters_

_Daughters will love like you do_

_Girls become lovers who turn into mothers_

_So mothers be good to your daughters too_

Alice remembered that day. Lucy had written this song after Alice had begun to open up to the family. She had found Alice crying from a nightmare about her father, and had found out about how her father had treated her.

_Oh, you see that skin?_

_It's the same she's been standing in_

_All the scars, left from his constant mistakes_

_Now she's left, walkin' on her broken legs_

(Changed the original lyrics a bit here)

_So fathers, be good to your daughters_

_Daughters will love like you do_

_Girls become lovers who turn into mothers_

_So mothers be good to your daughters too_

_Boys, you can break_

_You'll find out how much they can take_

_Boys will be strong_

_And boys soldier on_

_But boys would be gone without warmth from_

_A woman's good, good heart_

_On behalf of every man_

_Looking out for every girl_

_You are the God and the weight of her world_

_So fathers, be good to your daughters_

_Daughters will love like you do_

_Girls become lovers who turn into mothers_

_So mothers be good to your daughters too_

_So mothers be good to your daughters too_

_So mothers be good to your daughters too_

She finished the song, her finger lingering on the last note. Alice lifted her hand, suprised to find the warm liquid falling from her eyes. She remembered how she had cried for the longest time after first hearing Lucy sing the song. She had cried and told Lucy everything about her past, even about Wendy and her other friends.

She smiled at the thought. She loved her tears. She missed her tears. She did not have the luxury of crying, which is why, ignoring the bad stigmata regarding crying, she loved her tears.

Silence enclosed the space, the piano turning cold, missing the warmth of her finger.

"That was beautiful" Alice turned around to find Margo smiling softly at her.

"That was the song that Lucy made, right?" Margo asked, sitting down next to Alice on the piano bench.

Alice nodded, smiling. Margo knew that her family had died, but she had never known how. It was too gruesome for a 9 year old.

"Can you teach me?" Margo asked, surprising Alice. Alice had already begun teaching Margo simple things on the piano, but she wasn't sure if Margo could learn songs yet.

"Pretty, Pretty please? I'm sure I can do it" Margo said with her puppy dog eyes.

Alice sighed, and finally agreed, not being able to resist the face. They spent the rest of the evening playing the first part of the song, until Margo fell asleep. Alice lovingly tucked Margo into her bed sheets and proceeded to look at the wall.

Ever since she had arrived, to cope with her boredom, she did artsy things, like playing music or was her way to cope with the silence. It had become a habit after the years, and sometimes, when she was still with Teidol, they would stop for a day or two, just to draw the flowers. The old man understood her. He understood her habit.

She had decided to paint a mural on one of her walls, so that she could always see it whenever she walked in the room. In the mural they were sitting in a field. It was the meadow that used to be beside Alice's old home, back when she lived with Lucy. In the painting, she was sitting under the apple tree, surrounded by her family, her friends, and the generals. Her family and friends, unlike her and the generals, had halo's and wings. They were all laughing and having fun. Bookman sat under the tree too, but unlike them, he was reading a book. The tree branches held Neah and Road, sitting together, laughing, and above them, Alice's childhood friends flew around playing with a ball. She smiled at the mural, proud of her hard work. She had sat there many a time, looking at the painting so that she could engrain it into her brain. She wished the scene were real, but alas, she knew it never could be.

A knock came from the door, snapping her out of her trance. She hastily walked over and opened the door to find Lavi.

"Hi Alice, Komui needs to see you about a mission." He said.

Alice nodded and told him to wait for her as she dressed. She closed the door, changed into her exorcist clothes, wrote a note for Margo, and motioned for Angel to join her. They walked out and Lavi took them to Komui's office.

Komui was sitting at his desk, filling out papers, when Lavi, Allen, Kanda, Lenalee, and Alice decided to join him in his office. He looked up, and motioned for them to step forward. He motioned for them to step forward and tossed Kanda a folder containing the info on the mission.

"The reason I brought our strongest exorcists here is because of the rumors surrounding this old facility. The Finders believe that there may be more than once innocence piece in the exact same place, which might attract the Noah. That is why I have put so many of you on a mission. You will be leaving now, that is all"

They all nodded and filed out of the room, walking towards the boats. Alice was happy that she would finally be getting a mission, but the prospect of having a Noah there did not please her.

Little did she know that Noah were the least of her problems.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: Blue**

Alice was tired

She was so _tired_

_Where were the colors?_

What defined _them?_

There was always, _always_ a white and black

And she hated them

She hated the white and black

So _set_ in their boundaries

Never leaving a doubt, or hope

And if it did leave hope, it was _false_

Which is why she liked grey

She loved grey

It was undefined, it was free

But it was also _tired_

_Tired_, like Alice Heartfilia

Alice could identify with grey

Grey was tired of being confined between white and black, but It was also free

It was free of the borders that surrounded white and black, but it was also confined by the two

It was confined by _itself_, it was caged by its own _will_

And it was _tired_

_Tired of contradicting itself_

Alice's being was white and black

She radiated boundaries, confinement, right and wrong

She seemed to have all the answers, she seemed to know

But she didn't

She looked white and black, felt white and black

But she was gray

So _grey_, but no one ever wanted to see the grey

They mistook her grey for silver

No one understood her grey

And her grey, it was tinted_ blue_

It was a rare grey

It was tired, but also had hope

Blue was her color

So whenever she asked herself, _where are the colors?_

Her heart would answer

_It's in the grey, darling_

And her mind would tell her: _blue_

_Blue was her color_

And when people would describe her,

They would say, _"White skin, black hair, silver and blue eyes"_

But her eyes weren't silver, they were _grey_

They mistook the steadfast, blinding shine of blue in her left eyes as silver

Since no one saw her grey, they didn't want to

They wanted to believe in her

She gave everyone a feeling of joy

Even the exorcists

And they barely knew her

They didn't see

They didn't see that she was so, very, very tired

They didn't understand why she liked grey so much

No one ever could

* * *

Alice was on a train

She was sitting in first class, along with her exorcist comrades, lazily looking up at the grey sky.

She smiled happily to herself, relishing the lovely light that the sky shined down on the group. It was her first (official) mission, and they were heading somewhere into the desert. She didn't know which one, all she knew is that there was innocence there.

Kanda sat opposite her, rereading the info on the mission. Allen and Lavi were asleep, while Lenalee chatted amiably with Kanda, although Kanda didn't really say anything back. He just grunted sometimes to show that he was actually listening.

The desert was the main part of their mission, since it contained more than one piece of innocence, but since their party was so big, Komui had ordered them to stop by one other town to investigate the recent akuma sightings there.

Over the past week, Alice had carefully assessed the group's strengths while staying at the order. She had heard that (at the old location), they had successfully defeated a level four akuma. After seeing them in the training rooms, she had deduced that they could take care of themselves, so she had no need to worry when it came to fighting on the field.

The sound of static and the train conductor's voice on the speakers awoke the two sleeping exorcists, informing that they were arriving at the small town that was their detour. The group hopped off the train, Alice waving at the conductor, and they proceeded into town. The first thing the group decided, despite Allen's stomach, was to head to the inn. After they met the finder and checked in with their keys, they decided to head to the nearest restaurant to ease Allen's excessive growling.

Allen, overjoyed, ordered everything on the menu. Alice ordered the same. The three NORMAL exorcists sweat dropped at the two's appetite. Allen, on the other hand, was wondering why Alice's stomach wasn't growling, and voiced his question. Lavi deduced that it was because Alice was an adorable, cute little girl (in his pervy mind), Kanda merely respond with a 'Che', and Lenalee told Allen to be less rude. When Alice responded, however, they all sweat dropped. Apparently, Golems could fit food in their mouths. On the train ride, Alice had eaten 3 plates of dango and 2 plates of Chinese noodles along with 5 cups of tea. Of course, Kanda was too busy ignoring everyone (except for Lenalee), Lenalee was too busy talking, and Lavi and Allen were too asleep to notice (Alice had carefully plugged Allen's nose with tissue before taking out her food since she had not wanted him to steal it, but this was only for her to know). The exorcists quickly finished their food, deciding that it was important to begin questioning the townspeople before nightfall.

After their huge (and expensive) lunch, the team decided that they would visit the areas that akuma were sighted first.

-Alices POV-

I walked through the streets, looking right and left.

Vendors and markets lined the road, some promising delicious foods, some selling clothes. The annual Fall Parade had raised the towns peoples spirits, as they were ready to take their minds off the recent paranormal activities in the area. Couples and family littered the streets, filling the cold, autumn air with a friendly warmth.

I looked around in awe, as I had never visited a parade before. It was new to me, the warm lanterns and the friendly banter that resonated in the big crowds of people. I curiously looked at one vendor, as he was trying to sell what looked like glowing sticks.

Lavi chuckled at my curious face.

"Have you never been to a parade or carnival before?" he asked teasingly.

"No" I answered, completely serious as I kept looking around in awe.

They all sweatdropped at my blunt respond before they all (except for Kanda, of course) yelled.

"What?!"

"What? It's not that big a deal" I responded casually, ignoring their exasperated looks "I've just never found the time".

"You're crazy!" Lenalee said, bouncing on her feet "We have to show you around!"

"Tch" Kanda grunted, annoyed "We have a goddamn mission to find innocence and will not be wasting any time"

The rest of the group moaned at his attitude. They really wanted to enjoy the parade, but knew that Kanda was right. The exorcists either huffed or rolled their eyes as we continued to pace along the crowded road. As we walked, I noticed a slight tingling in my left eye. Ignoring the rest of the group, I began to walk towards the crying, terrified presence I felt. My eye, my cursed eye, gave me the ability to sense the sadness of souls, even human ones. The soul cried out in pain, causing me to fasten my pace, before I broke into a run. It was a level four. Level fours were always the most pitiful, and there was more than one. With urgency, I weaved through the crowds and hurried across abandoned roads. Twisting and turning, I neared the source of the tingling. The terrifying amounts of pain and sorrow crashed down on me as I approached the horde of akumas. They had been hiding in the less crowded areas of the town, and seemed to be closing in on a small girl.

No! I couldn't let them hurt an innocent child.

In a hurried attempt to drive them away from her, I activated my innocence and shouted at the Akuma, gaining their attention. They turned to me, brandishing their guns and began to shoot. Swiftly jumping, I began attacking the akuma, trying to drive them away from the girl. A few moments later, my panting comrades arrived, surprised to see the bunch of akuma. Without question, they activated their weapons and began to dispose of the easier akumas. I jumped from the destroyed level four, smiling as its spirit departed in a lovely thanks. I then proceeded to attack more akuma, my movements fluid and precise, never wasting a moment. My legs and arms twisted and flipped, my ice knuckles and blades dance strengthening my close combat attacks while I used my magic-infused innocence to strike further akuma with spears of ice that materialized themselves from thin air. Using a more powerful attack, I destroyed half of the akuma horde with my Ice Make: Rose Garden. Turning around to check on the girl, I finally noticed her features.

_Blue._

_Wendy._

I stared at the girl. Her sky blue hair, her small stature, and her wide, blue eyes. She looked so much like _her._ She was standing there, in the corner of the alley, looking at the exorcists with awe and wonder. She wore a tattered green dress, her blue hair tied in pigtails, her innocent face stained with sweat. Her eyes flicked towards me, her blue eyes settling on mine. Hesitation and fear became curiosity and thanks A small smile adorned her lips, and she whispered a small thank you. What happened next… it broke my heart. Without notice, an akuma came out of nowhere, preparing to strike the small girl. It brought up its sharp, metallic claws, aimed at the terrified figure. Snapping out of my daze, my eyes widened in horror. With a broken scream, I launched myself towards her, ignoring the rest of the akuma as the claw descended towards her trembling figure. She was innocent, she was just a girl, she was the most important thing right now. The claw struck, pushing her into the wall. Her skin was painted with stars, and her legs slackened against the wall. With utter urgency, I caught the small girl before she hit the ground. I felt to hopeless, realizing that she was going to die. I couldn't save her. Her eyes slowly drifted to my face, and her hand gripped mine as she slowly started fading away.

"Don't worry, I'm going to be an angel" she whispered, tears falling from her face before she turned into dust, her sky blue hair just a fading memory.

Her words wracked my mind, wrecked my soul, tore at my heart. I let it happen again. The once so vibrant blue was gone, once again, just like Wendy. She wasn't, but was Wendy at the same time. She was innocent just like Wendy, and my incompetence had killed her. Caught in the moment, I hadn't noticed the same akuma that killed the girl attack. I screamed. Not a scream of pain, a scream of anger. Ignoring my injuries, I ruthlessly attacked the akuma. I continued to rampage, destroying all the weapons with ease until all the sad souls had departed. Falling to the ground, I clutched the remaining clothes of the small girl. I sobbed uncontrollably until I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find Lavi looking at me with concern.

"You can't save everyone" he told me softly. Oh, he couldn't even begin to comprehend how well I knew those words. I couldn't save everyone. I knew that. I knew that more than any of them, and yet I still felt so much guilt, so much remorse.

"I know, but I can always try, can't I?" and that was what hurt the most. God, I had tried, tried so hard to save them. I always tried, and yet I failed. I had let them down, I could never save them all, despite my attempts. If I could, I would have borne the whole fate of the war on my shoulders. But I couldn't. Everyday people suffered because I couldn't. I was merely human. And I wasn't even fully human at that.

"Your hurt" Allen said softly. I shakily stood up and noticed the blood dripping from my shoulder. Not even giving it a second glance, I quickly responded with a cracked voice.

"I heal fast"

"Bu-"

"I heal fast, I'm fine"

Looking at the remains of the small girl, I picked up her necklace. Inside was a piece of innocence, which was probably why the akuma were after her. Wiping my tears, I turned around, only to be jerked back by a strong hand. I winced at the pain, and turned to face a glaring Kanda.

"Get. Over. It" He stated coldly "You're so naïve, thinking you can save everyone. There are plenty of people suffering in this world right now, what can you do about it. Do you even understand their suffering, or do you merely want to act like a hero? Can you see their sadness?" I winced at that and thought of my left eye "You don't know anything about pain. You were raised a spoiled brat by a rich magician. You don't know anything. People die. You can't save them."

I lowered my head, trying to force my anger back in its shell. After a few seconds of silence, my cold, brutal voice cut through the tension. The rest of the exorcists winced at the sharpness of the usually quiet, but smiling exorcist.

"You don't know me. You have no idea how much sadness I see, how much sadness I have seen. How. DARE. You. How dare you say any of these things, Yu Kanda. I have lost so many people in this lifetime, the prospect of losing more haunts me. It haunts me, you see. My eye, it haunts me. Every day I see the sadness of souls, it is my curse. It is a reminder for me to always protect the weak. How do you know they will die? Have you ever tried to SAVE them? All I can do is try. I can at least TRY... Oh god," I said, finally cracking and sobbing "all I can do is try. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to merely watch as they fade into nothing?"

I turned my head from the stunned exorcists. Kanda had not expected the outburst from the small girl, and Allen, Lavi, and Lenalee looked at Kanda with anger. Before anyone could stop me, I ran. I ran back to the inn before bursting into tears again.

-No ones POV-

Allen punched Kanda. Lavi and Lenalee looked at him with anger.

"How could you say that?"

He merely looked down. He hadn't expected the words to come tumbling out of his mouth. He had only wanted to call her naïve, but then he had taken it too far, and he knew it. He took the beating without a word and they silently walked back to the inn. They walked into the dark room, only to notice a dark figure on the balcony. Small cries could be heard through the glass.

Alice sat on the balcony in the cold night air, tears running down her face. She did not like these tears. They were not clear and beautiful like when she played the piano. No, her tears were grey. She hated these tears.

God, she would never be free. She could never be free, just like the grey. The black and the white haunted her. And the blue. She was so trapped. Trapped in the feeling of emptiness. Trapped in the color. Trapped in the constant longing of the fleeting blue.

Blue had always been her color. Ever since she met her.

*flashback*

_"Onee-san." A young blue haired girl whispered through the bars of their cage._

_Alice looked at the girl in her arms. They had awoken an hour before due to the unsettling cold. Alice protectively hugged her tighter and wrapped her wings around the small girl to warm the two._

_"Yes Wendy?" she answered, quietly, so as to not awaken any of the scientists in the cold, white and black lab._

_"The sky is grey." The small girl pointed out as she looked through the only window in the room._

_"And?" Alice said._

_"It's at least better than the white and black, don't you think?"_

_Alice chuckled "Yes, it is"_

_Silence enveloped them before the young girl quietly said, with a faraway look in her startling blue eyes, "Someday, we will break out of this cage, and we will be free. We'll fly away with your beautiful wings and be just like angels."_

_Alice smiled at the thought before nodding her head in agreement, "Yes we will be angels."_

*end flashback*

_Angels_, Alice thought, before dozing off in the cold air, not unlike long ago. The rest of the exorcists had stayed inside, quietly, until the sobbing stopped, and Allen walked out to find a sleeping Alice. Carefully lifting her up, he brought her back into the room filled with her worried friends. They laid her on the bed and then promptly went to sleep themselves.

That night, Alice dreamt. She dreamt of a blue haired angel in a vast gray sky.

* * *

_Where are the colors?_

_It's in the grey darling._

_She looked into the grey._

_There was so much grey, it was tiring._

_It was just tiring to look at it, but then she noticed something_

_She looked closer, only to find a color, to find blue._

_She wasn't as tired anymore. She didn't feel so hopeless._

_Yes, blue was always her color._


End file.
